Infinite Jest

Yes... this is my second time trying to tackle this titan of a book. David Foster Wallace was a very talented writer and his essays are still, now thinking about them, making me laugh.

Either way, I tried to tackle IJ last summer during the bandwagon event of "Infinite Summer." It failed, I lost track of where I was two-hundred pages into the book due to the start of my freshman year in college.

So I picked it up again and have succesfully gotten further into the book in record time and I must say that so far the book is a pleasant surprise. There is a 'slump' within the book that lasts a good chunk of pages but I am past that stage in development and have entered literary bliss so to speak.

I will post more after finishing... only five-hundred pages to go.

Adios

Published!?

Well it is official, I am now a published poet (on a small scale) one of my pieces was accepted at the following website: http://amphibi.us . Needless to say I am beyond pumped. This was my first attempt at submitting work and I was accepted right out of the gate. It is a really good feeling.

The site is really cool and I am impressed greatly with the fact that the staff responds personally to every submission. If you have some free time and want to read really cool work I recommend this site greatly.

Happy reading!

Adios.

GASP! Revamping?

Well. As you can tell, if you ever look at the old blog, I have revamped a bit. The feel of the blog might have changed a bit, but I assure you I have not. I am going to, however, add new stuff here instead of just Zen musings. This is a blog after all and I am going to use it as such. Here will be a place of a mixture of things that I wish to write about or wish to post.

I will update more often with poetry, music (not my own), flash fiction, recommendations of movies, music, and literature, the Zen flash of fun that was included in the last reincarnated blog, as well as anything else that catches fancy.

So I leave you for now my dear reader. Enjoy the rest of your day/night/afternoon.

Adios!

Fallen off the ox

With school work and some personal issues (which is not really an excuse) but I stopped sitting. Which is kinda large no no. More so when I took the precepts this January. So I am going to step it up. I am looking to sit everyday for as long as I can at the same time of the day regardless of if I want to or not.

What happens when we fall of the ox?

Well I get my ass back on the cushion and brush off and try again.

Which brings me to a point. Falling off is almost expected. Not every Buddha out there was really crazy on sitting all the blasted time. They, like everyone else, fell down. They just got back up again.

So here is to falling off the ox and getting back on.

Ciao.

#1 God

I do not know how interested you all will be, but I feel like I could take some time and address some things that come up in my Zen practice.

Bear with me now. I am not a master nor claim to be, but I am simply posting my personal views on a few subjects.


First one that I want to try to explain is God.

First off. I am no Atheist. Many people that I have spoken with, or who ask me about what I do question if I believe in a God. I most certainly do, but I am willing to place money down it is not the same God you are thinking about. My God does not have a white beard, or a vengeance to kill or go against all non-believers. One of my favorite quotes on God that seems to both sum up my beliefs and confuse the shit out of others is: “There is no God and he created you.”

Whoa, deep.

Now hold on a sec. If there is no God how in the hell did he create you? I know, paradox , but hear me out. The God I think about is not watching everything, is not willing to help you win the lottery, pay the rent or have that sexy looking barista take you in the back room and give you that extra treatment. The God that I believe in is everything and nothing. He/She/It is the universe. Not the controller, just the unnamed creator. I take comfort in the fact that this universe is not just scientific chance. Do I believe in heaven, not really. Do I believe in Hell, not really. I like to think of my life as a bubble in a river. I came to be through cause and effect and eventually I will pop, but I will not really die I will just go back to being the river not just an extension of a river. The only reason I came to be a bubble is the fact that the river churned me up. God is the river. God is you, me, the dog shit on your shoe when you are late for work and everything else.

Does this mean I have any beef with anyone else’s belief, nope. I think Jesus, Mohammad, Ra, and all the others are perfectly cool, but they just do not suit me.

Okay now, step two… just a little thing that ‘grinds my gears.’

I do not, will not, ever worship Buddha. Buddha is not a God. Gautama Buddha (The historical Buddha) is nothing but a teacher, not a deity, though some may think so. Dear ol’ Gautama just sat under a tree and taught the way he thought things worked. Sure we, in practice, bow to Buddha but that is out of respect of his teachings, not him. If you wish to get technical if we worshiped Buddha, we would in turn be bowing to everything last thing including the remnants of those fifty hot wings that are now melting away your plumbing; because like every living thing, he was part of the river. He was human. He had a child, a wife, and he got old and died like all of us will do. Do I think the man deserves respect, hell yeah, but do I think he is my God? Nope. Just a man, like every other man out there, he just had a really cool teaching.

Well, this is only the first thing that I am going to post… feel free to comment or ask a question or two but I am just doing this out of curiosity not for confrontation or massive arguments.Take it as you will.

Adios.

Huzzah!

First semester in the bag!

Now time to start sewing, gasp. Wish me luck, but whatever happens I am sure it will be perfect in imperfection right? :D

Ciao!

Sir! News from the frontline.

I am a now an English major.

Pray for all those sad, poor, and decrepit books awaiting my drooling jaws.

Au revoir.

Random shots

Worn.
Vets.
Overbearing.
Disarmed.

Here are a few shots I took at a local graveyard. Kinda cool, and they came out pretty decent for a cell phone camera (looking to upgrade shortly to a nice Canon SLR) but until then this will have to do.

Later.

Leaves fly,
fall and glide to the ground
each one sporting the hue of life.
Hungry worms await their meal

Funny how things work.

I was walking out of my biology lecture today and checked my score which was posted outside of the lecture hall. Not bad for a midterm grade, I am pulling a eighty-three point three. Then I noticed that one of the quizzes that my professor placed on my grade was wrong. She gave me a ten out of ten instead of an eight. I was half tempted to walk away and not say a word, chances are my professor, who has a billion quizzes to enter made a mistake in my favor and I should just walk away knowing that I have a little advantage.

This was not the case. I decided to walk back into lecture and speak to the professor personally. I told her about my grade and what was entered into the midterm. She smiled and said not many would have come up to correct me on that one.

I smiled back and said I am not going to take credit for something that I did not do.

A friend was watching in disbelief as I walked happily away. She looked at me and said that I would make a good Christian. I looked at her and (where I would usually just become rather cynical and trite) said that there are many tenants of Buddhism that carry over and share principles of morality one being not lying. All and all a good day.

On a completely different note:

Wal-mart sells (only online) coffins now...

IF you do not believe me, go to their website and type in 'funeral' the search bar, and scroll down to the bottom of the page. I dare not think what is next on their hit list.

Bye.

Snow

Unique specs of ice

hit dying leaves

melt away

only to fall again

-------------------------

Snow falls

flakes melt

everything becomes one

clouds fill up to bursting

snow falls

Adios

Drunken Dorms

I dislike drunkenness. I dislike like it more so when the residents in my hall decide to drink copious amounts of the fermented beverage then party on my floor, right outside my door at two thirty in the morning.

Do not get me wrong. I like the reasonable refreshment as well as the next guy but I enjoy it in moderation. I dislike being so drunk that I have blackouts. My residents seem to enjoy this feeling. Personally I was the typical freshmen and did not believe the many stories of public intoxication because frankly I thought the people who went to college were there to learn... boy was I wrong.

Let me tell you about the other night.

It was two thirty in the morning and I was trying to get some sleep before my eight in the morning class. I was stirred from my slumber by the sound of screams, laughter, belches and very loud thumping hippity hoppity music. Yuck. I was tired and rather miffed at my situation. Not the best combination. I walked out of my dorm as was greeted by my dorm 'neighbor' slamming his door repeatedly and screaming. He was plastered. I opened up conversation with this neanderthal (I use this term only because it is the best visual way to describe him).

"Dude, what the ****? It is two in the morning and I would like to get some sleep. Could you please shut up?"

His response came after a few seconds of blind staring.

"It wasn't me, and why are you talking to me like that you ******* punk?"

He walked up right to my face and towered over me. Fumes strong enough to ignite a small fire were assaulting my nostrils. He continued.

"You don't talk to me like that you little shit, I will ******* kill you you ******* punk. Little ******* white kids think they own the place."

I was ready to get hit. In fact I welcomed it. With his punch he would have sealed his fate. I would be taken to the hospital and able to press charges of assault. He would have been found to be completely drunk (underage) and hopefully would never see the light of day. I kept staring into his eyes that were at least a foot taller than I. His friends pulled him away after what seemed like forever. Taken back at the fact that I was only just standing there not moving an inch. I guess they were waiting for a fight. I was pretty proud of myself for this act of non-violence, but I do think I could have handled the situation a tad better. Maybe I could not have been that direct with my opening. But I am willing to bet that this story would have had the same conclusion.

The drunk in question is a physical education major... that is right folks, if this guy passes he will possibly teach your children.

If anything this was a rather large lesson on tolerance on my part.

Just thought I would share with you.

Ciao.

Slight sabbatical but back with a vengeance.

Hi all... or hi that single person who has been pretty devout in checking if I posted anything. If you are still reading, then I applaud you.

I have been, for lack of a better term busy. College stuff. You know the drill. I am still taking Jukai this January and I will begin sowing sometime in November through December, I have to do it over breaks. College is going well (if you care) a little stressful but all is well.

I will be trying to post more in the coming weeks in keeping with my promise of posting thoughts to the precept study. Who knows maybe I will break the mundane nature of the precepts study with a few scraps of poetry and other ramblings from your ol' college student.

Either way, stay tuned...

Adios.

You know... I have been thinking, which is dangerous, I should maybe go into detail about each precept listed in the last post. If you the reader are curious it will satisfy your thirst and it will help me. So I think that it what I am going to do, starting now.

I will start with the Three Treasures.

1. Taking refuge in the Buddha.
2. Taking refuge in the Dharma.
3. Taking refuge in the Sangha.

They are not that bad... honest.

Number one is pretty self explanatory "Refuge in the Buddha" well that more or less means to me that one should trust his teacher (Buddha). But here is the catch: everything is a teacher even you the reader. Now that is the deepest meaning. The basic meaning would be to listen to the 'original' Buddha's teachings. One minor misconception about Buddhism that I see and hear is that many think Buddha is a god like figure... more than human. Now some will argue this and I am not going to point fingers, but in my eyes the Buddha was nothing more than a man. He lived, he experienced pain, emotions, and finally death. That sounds pretty human to me. Anyway, taking refuge is more or less trusting the teaching of the man in question.

Number two: Dharma is a teaching, and in this case means the teachings of Buddhism. So one who takes refuge simply gives himself up to the dharma (follow the teaching/trust the teaching).

Number three: Sangha is the group in which people practice the dharma and take refuge in the Buddha. So it is devotion to the group of other Buddhists who practice with you. But I think, personally, it is more than that. Sangha is a group true, but I do not like how that is kinda selective to only Buddhists. I view Sangha as the world including all who reside on it. Afterall one simple teaching is that everyone and everything has potential to be a Buddha... so why not?

Now you should be able to see how these all go together. If you trust the Sangha you trust the Dharma and if you trust the Dharma you are trusting the Buddha.

I could write more, but I believe this does some justice... afterall I am still a student and I am not a teacher so DO NOT take everything I say as truth. I, like the Buddha, am human and prone to the human condition of making mistakes. No one nor anything is perfect all the time.
See that was painless.

Night.

"DO YOU 'CEPT THE LAWRD AND HIS YOUNG'N JESUS?" "ARE YOU READY TO BE DUNKED IN THE NAME OF THE LAWRD?" **Insert heavy southern accent**

"Yes sir..."

That is right Kyle is going to be Baptized... well kinda. I have made the choice to undertake Jukai. This is kinda like a Zen Buddhist baptism. I would become an official Buddhist, and to top it all off I would get a nifty Buddhist name! Now I say official but if one wishes to get technical I am already a Buddhist only because I am trying to stick to the precepts (codes of conduct) and I do recite the four vows (which will be listed below along with the precepts). More or less during Jukai, there will be lots and lots of Zazen and I will 'officially' take the Buddhist precepts and try to live in accordance with them. Oh and the kicker is I am required to sew. Now, if you are reading this and you happen to be a friend, you should know that I have no sewing talent what so ever. Even though I do not even have a slight ability in the use of thread and needles I will attempt to sew a Rakusu... which is a garment for Zen practitioners who have undergone Jukai. Kinda looks like a giant bib. It is a symbol of the buddhist robe, without having the troublesome robe. So I will be giving updates about this sewing endeavor and I hope to finish by the end of July... (HA! wishful thinking).

Four Vows:

To save all sentient beings, though beings numberless.

To transform all delusions, though delusions inexhaustible.

To perceive reality, though reality is boundless.

To attain the enlightened way, a way non attainable.

(Below is what I will be adhering to when I take Jukai)

(Three Treasures)

1. Taking refuge in the Buddha
2. Taking refuge in the Dharma
3. Taking refuge in the Sangha

(Three Pure Precepts)

1. Not Creating Evil
2. Practicing Good
3. Actualizing Good For Others

(Ten Grave Precepts)

1. Affirm life; Do not kill
2. Be giving; Do not steal
3. Honor the body; Do not misuse sexuality
4. Manifest truth; Do not lie
5. Proceed clearly; Do not cloud the mind
6. See the perfection; Do not speak of others errors and faults
7. Realize self and other as one; Do not elevate the self and blame others
8. Give generously; Do not be withholding
9. Actualize harmony; Do not be angry
10. Experience the intimacy of things; Do not defile the Three Treasures

Well that is all for now.

Night.

Fears.

Everyone has them... kinda like opinions and that is okay. But what do we really fear? Fear of loss, spiders, people, heights, death, life, clowns, purple child molesting dinosaurs and the fear of flight. But do we really hate spiders or clowns, or is it our reaction to those subjects? Are we afraid of the subject or the reaction? 

I am deathly afraid of spiders. But is it the creepy eight-legged arachnid that is slowly crawling down a web from the ceiling scary? Or is it the fear that the spider will bite causing PAIN and TORMENT.

So, do we fear the subjects or the potential physical and mental pains associated with those subjects? I will leave that one up to you.

Night.

PS: I wonder what you would think if I told you that if you were bitten by a spider, that in a way and certain viewpoint, you are indirectly bitting yourself. Maybe for another day.

Heads up for anyone who wishes to sit Zazen.

IT IS HARD!

It is kinda like flossing, your dentist keeps telling you to do it but you end up with cut gums and nothing but more of you dentist going "You need to floss more!"

That is Zazen. It is hard... but you must keep going. 

Just thought I would give a proper warning for anyone who is willing to sit.

I have to floss now.

Night.

Even Zen teachers are human.

No joke.

I know it seems that somebody who devoted their lives to the Dharma should be a decent human being in the aspect of not starting/fueling petty arguments. But sadly this is not true. 

This just proves that even though Buddhism is a pretty benevolent religion it does not mean that it cannot be corrupt. Do a simple google search for E-Sangha and you will have enough to read about other Buddhists biting at other Buddhist's throats. It is scary. But this is life I guess. Oh well the only remedy that I can think of is just keep living and sitting so that is what I am going to do.

Night.

Stop reading this and go watch a sunset.

Night.

I want. I need. I must. I crave.

I hear statements like this everywhere I go. We are all guilty of this drive to have. The beauty in sitting Zazen and trying to practice Zen Buddhism is that one becomes aware of this constant wanting and sees how foolish it truly can be. No this is not to say that even the greatest of great masters do not want. It is just how they interpret that feeling. In Zen one tries not to cling to anything. Say I was sitting Zazen. A thought comes to mind like this; "Oh I really want that Klondike Bar in the freezer... yeah I deserve that ice cream, I had a long day." Most people would keep that train of thought until it drove them to get up and satisfy that desperate need for ice cream.

Someone who practices Zen will still crave but the situation would be slightly different. "Oh I want that Klondike Bar in the freezer." The practitioner would acknowledge that thought and let it pass. (NOT AS EASY AS IT SOUNDS!) Eventually the feeling of wanting would leave. 

This I think is a great part of Zen that anyone can begin to practice. If we eliminate simple cravings such as the new shoes, or hot designer brand clothing, one can live with less suffering.

Night.